Ready to write...

Well, here I am.  Finally.  It has been over 12 years since I have written anything for the pure pleasure of it.  In high school I had my own column in the local newspaper for my small town.  Something called "teen beat" or something similarly goofy.  I wrote whatever I felt like that week and just put it out there into the world.  Looking back - it was incredibly brave to bare my soul to the world at such a young age. The truth of the matter is - for 12 years I have obsessed about things I said in those articles and it has made me gun shy about "baring all" again. I won't even go near the binder with the articles in it, let alone read an article. It frightens me.


Anyone who knows me will tell you I'm an open book.  Really, you could ask me just about anything and I'd lay out the honest truth to the question.  But, there's a lot that goes on in this brain of mine that I keep to myself of late.  A lot of anxious thoughts that I can't seem to sort out.  I'm medicated, I've done therapy, but nothing is helping these days.  In trying to find coping mechanisms for this anxiety, I remembered how good it used to feel when I wrote my column.  Just whatever came to mind - hammering it out on the keyboard and hitting send (well, actually...hitting save...to a floppy disk. OMG I'm getting old!).  Subsequently, I also remember the anxiety that came with reading the newspaper that week and wondering which of my fellow students (if any) read it too.  But, here's the thing - as years have gone by I've learned that more often than not, when you open up and share, the world helps you through.  The support you receive for your honesty, far outweighs any negative feedback you get back.


So, I'm going to plunge in and attempt to get "me" sorted out.  :)  Sometimes it might just be verbal diarrhea, sometimes kinda heavy, sometimes funny, sometimes just anxious rambling - I dunno what I'll write about.  I do know, however, that what I write will be from the heart, honest and frankly...for my own enjoyment and healing.  If it helps someone else going through a rough time with anxiety - awesome, but for the time being I'm gonna put it out there and see how it feels.  


Here goes nothing....